80. The long awaited assassination of Jeremy Kyle

For every man women and child who has watched and cursed his name

I am proud to say, it’s been done

I caught him outside the studio the other day

Threw a lasso from horse back and galloped of f into the sun

I tied him up in my shed and said

‘Jeremy, you’re dying’

He squeeled ‘I don’t deserve to die’

I shouted in his face ‘STOP LYING!!

Look Jezz, I understand many people on your show are pretty shit,

But there’s no need for you to be such a self righteous prick

Do you really think you have a positive effect on these peoples lives?

You make a living off embarrassment in front of millions, how do you sleep at night?

So sorry Jezza, I’m afraid it’s gotta go this way

By next week, there’ll be another show just as immoral to take your place